Salvation

Christine and I had a really awesome time But, at the end of the night We got back to the hotel Uhh, Casper had bitten through her bandages And was bleeding pretty badly And she was okay, um But, you know, we had to path her up a little bit And we made a promise that We wouldn't leave the hotel room For any longer than we absolutely had to Between now and the re— end of the trip And we spent the rest of the night in Eating pizza and watching TV And taking turns feeding Casper peanuts, um And she loved peanuts And we started calling her "Peanut" And it was really nice To be rat parents together again For a bit Oh! By the way Biblical Times Dinner Theater Not at all what I was expecting, um Yeah, no, it wasn't a bunch of people Screaming around a sand pit While a guy got crucified, after all I know! Sad, right? Noo, it ended up being Like a gospel music review? Where they fed us canned peas And then a old lady dressed as an older lady Did an a cappella song about the buffets in heaven? Just like one to seventeen or so hours of A bunch of closeted gay men going like "I sure can't wait to fucking die!" And, look, I don't know what I believe But, um Y'know, don't get me wrong Definitely no god, but... um No I don't know if I would like, really be into the whole Ah, I don't know, pfft I'm not doing some, like Billy Joel "only the good die young" "All the rockstars are in hell" Type shit here But like, you know I don't like the idea of heaven personally Like, I don't wanna be reunited with Everyone I've ever loved Who wants all their fucking exes in the same room? It's kinda really important that They die and don't come back And look, if you like, believe That you get to spend eternity In the glory of your creator You know, you get to be with the God Y'know, like from the everything? And Jesus is there And y'know, I mean like Some of you people would make Serious changes to the way you life your lives For a fucking handshake from Chappel Roan Don't tell me, like, y'know That's fucking crazy! God? Forever! Holy shit! I get it! The thing is, though That I'm not always sure that I believe that "Believers" always believe What I mean by that is that, like If people really believed The world would be a very different place Y'know? We wouldn't hear things like "Hey man, I heard about your dad" "I'm so sorry" Y'know? We'd hear things like "Hey man, I heard about your dad" "So luckyyyy" I love my dad, he deserves to die! Let us not mourn his passing But rather celebrate the— it "9-1-1, what's your emergency?" "Yahoo!" "All right, dope, dude. Have fun! Bye!" Honestly you should be killing people I-I don't mean in like a "All believers must take up arms" way I'm just— saying To be a mensch Oh sure, you go to hell But, like, think of all the people you get to heaven Because you gave them a little boost! Y'know? "See you at the buffet!" Bang! And frankly, that's a lot of favors done I feel like, with the-the math balances out You'd probably end up going yourself too Just, cause, like, you did a lot of nice stuff I dunno Look, I know it's kinda a trolley problem situation here But like, think about As long as you only kill good, innocent people Who would go to heaven, y'know Catholics, recently baptized babies All dogs, um And look I don't really wanna talk about abortion right now, but Why not let the unborn skip the hard part? Another good deed done for Christ I don't like this No, I don't like it, I don't wanna be this guy I really don't No, you know, it's not like- it's not It's just not the kinda artist I wanna be You know? I-I'm just saying, like I don't know, man I know it's like It just— it feels weird I dunno Imagine being a member of The one group of people that you're allowed to just like Brutally verbally assault for their beliefs And maybe you get one angry E-mail later It-it does seem a little unfair Will I die on that hill? Pfft- no you guys are on your own tough break guys But the hill is there And right now the only people lying on it Work at Biblical Times Dinner Theater Y'know, or the Daily Wire but that's the same thing really Don't tell me that you look at Jordan Peterson And see a man who in his head isn't going "I sure can't wait to fucking die!"